Monday's thoughts..

Something that I hate:

I hate disappointing people who I love, even though I know I do it on a daily basis.  I hate it. I wish I could just make everyone happy in this world, and I have tried so very hard... but in the last few months I have realized that while making all of these other people happy, I forgot about myself.

During a time where my life was full of anger and abuse I still tried so hard to make things better, instead, I made things worse. There is nothing I regret more in my life then basing all my decisions off of a toxic relationship. I got lost, and confused, and consumed by all of these things that I hated; and then hurt someone who had 5 years of my life and who for some reason I loved so very much. Even though, I know that relationship was not healthy, and we didn't love each other for the right reasons, I feel sorry everyday for what I did, and for what he did to me.

After this situation in my life, I didn't give myself time. Time to heal, time to cry, time to be angry. I need this time. Because I am obviously not over what I went through, at all.

I know I make selfish decisions, and major mistakes everyday.  But, I will always be a person who will drop everything to be by your side. To offer you things, to surprise you with a cup of coffee, or a homemade dinner.  I love that I want to make other people happy.  What I don't love is that I don't make myself happy.

... And that is something I hate.  Thanks for reading my rant.  Have a fantastic Monday!

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